


I'll Think About It

by irishavalon



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Tony Stark, But Howard Stark is a piece of shit, F/M, Frigga and Odin are actually not bad parents this time, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Loki's pronouns are they/them, M/M, Other, maybe a smidge ooc sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 16:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishavalon/pseuds/irishavalon
Summary: Five times Loki almost admitted their love for Tony Stark, and one time they actually did." “I’ll think about it.”“No you won’t.” Thor counters. Loki bristles; nothing pisses them off more than Thor calling them out. Now they have to prove him wrong."





	1. 1. September, senior year of high school

**1. September, senior year of high school**

 

“Come on, Loki, just get it over with,” Thor says.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Valkyrie asks, sitting on the couch next to Thor. She’s playing Mercy with him, and frankly Loki wonders how they’re younger than their cousin and brother, when Val and Thor play-fight like a couple of puppies whenever they get together. Despite Loki’s nineteen-year-old brother’s muscles, which should mean he’s both stronger than Val and has a higher pain tolerance, Val knows exactly where to pinch him to get him grovelling in two minutes at most. He yelps the word of surrender and Val removes her nails from the inside of his bicep with a smirk.

Loki ignores this; the two have been like this since they were children. “What’s the worst that could happen? Are you serious?” they stop speaking for a moment, realizing how hysterical their tone is getting. They take a breath and lean back a bit on the coffee table. “The worst thing that could happen is I could lose the friend I’ve known the longest!”

“Do you know he’s into… your gender?” Val asks. She’s met Tony; the Odinsons and the Starks have been friends since before even Thor was born. But she’s been going to private girl’s academies since she was seven, so she doesn’t spend nearly as much time with Tony as Thor and Loki do. Even now that Thor has graduated high school, he still spends time with his younger sibling and Tony whenever he has a free weekend to come home.

“You mean all of them?” Loki asks with a laugh. “Yes, he told Thor and me last year that he’s bi--” Their bisexual cousin interrupts with a sound of approval-- “but his dad’s not the best guy to come out to.”

“So what’s stopping you from asking him?” Val asks.

“Weren’t you listening? He’s been my best friend since forever! I can’t ruin that.”

“Loki, come on,” Thor says again. “You won’t lose Tony; you two have been attached at the hip since you could walk.”

Loki opens their mouth to argue, but has nothing to add. Instead, they fold their arms petulantly. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

  


On Monday morning, Loki pulls their Advanced Calculus textbook out of their locker and waits for Tony to finish getting his things and to meet up for the morning, their stomach in knots. Even after Valkyrie went home on Saturday night, their brother would not stop nagging them about asking Tony to Homecoming.

_“This might be the last time you have the chance, sib. You two are graduating in May, and you’ve put this off for four years already. You don’t want to regret not doing it.”_

_“Oh, for God’s sake, Thor, I told you I’d think about it.”_

_“Which almost always means no. Don’t you want to know for sure, for once, instead of wondering? I thought you of all people would prefer a straight answer. You are a crazy math and science whiz.”_

_“Never say whiz again. Fine, brother. I’ll ask, just to get you off my fucking back about it. But if everything falls to shit, I will from here on out forever blame you for this.”_

_“I’d be surprised it you didn’t. Just give him a chance to say yes.”_

_“He won’t, but okay.”_

So somehow Loki has been persuaded. Thor has always been the only person to ever wear Loki down enough to do something. When the siblings were very small children, sometimes even Mom couldn’t get Loki to eat their vegetables or pick up their toys. She would turn to Thor, who even at seven or eight was eventually able to entice Loki to do what they didn’t want to do.

“Hey!”

Loki’s stomach flips and drops as they close their locker and turn to their best friend. Tony has this weird, dazed look on his face. _Oh, no, this can’t be good_.

“What’s happened?”

“The best thing ever! I have to tell you all about it!” Tony is practically bouncing as he walks down the hall beside Loki.

Loki swallows. “I have to tell you something, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes.” They lose their nerve before they can ask. “But you go first.”

“I asked Pepper Potts to Homecoming!”

“You _what_?” Loki can’t keep the panic and hurt out of their voice, stopping short in the middle of the hallway. Students grumble and flip them off as they walk around them.

Tony seems to take Loki’s shock more positively than it sounds to Loki’s ears. It takes him a moment to realize Loki is no longer beside him, but when he turns around, Loki is moving to catch up with him. Tony grins wider. “Yeah! And guess what she said?”

“...’Get lost, asshole’?” Loki guesses. Isn’t that what she said when Tony asked her out in eighth grade? Or the winter carnival freshman year? Or the high school football playoff game, that their team had lost miserably? Back when Tony was just asking for fun, not to anything that could be considered an actual, mature date. At times when Howard Stark’s ridiculous heteronormative dreams for his son had gotten to Tony enough to make some sort of an effort with a girl.

“Oh, shut up. We’re adults now.” Tony says.

“We’re _seventeen_ , Tony! We can’t even drive without a parent in the car; we’re not adults in anyone’s book.”

“Whatever. No, no, my dear amigo. She said yes this time!”

“She _what?”_ Loki demands again.

“You wound me, Loki,” Tony says dramatically, still grinning like a lunatic. “Surely you don’t think me so disgusting that a girl would never go to a dance with me!”

“That’s not what I meant,” Loki says quietly. Their mouth feels dry and a stupid lump is starting to fill their throat.

Tony doesn’t seem to hear them, already forgetting Loki’s shock and telling them a blow-for-blow recap of how he managed to ask Pepper to the dance, how she agreed at last to a date and he couldn’t believe it. Loki can’t believe it either; but they listen and don’t interrupt.

At least they didn’t ruin their friendship with Tony.

High school dances are stupid anyway.

They don’t go to Homecoming, but wait up for the late-night phone call from Tony, who tells them all about the dance, and it’s like they were actually there. As disappointed as they are, they fall asleep listening to Tony’s excited voice.

Thor frowns at his sibling from over his marketing textbook. This _might_ be harder than he thought.


	2. 2. May, high school graduation

**2\. May, high school graduation**

 

Senior year passes in the blink of an eye. Loki hates themself for feeling pleased that Tony doesn’t make any other moves on Pepper after Homecoming. Loki was sure they’d become a couple after the dance; what pair of dates  _ didn’t _ ? Pepper and Tony apparently. Tony is full of excuses for why he doesn’t make a move; Loki happily accepts each one.

Pepper does spend more time with Tony and Loki throughout the year, however, even joining the Starks and Odinsons (and Val) to their annual Day-After-Christmas Pizza Palooza (not that any of the offspring find that name remotely amusing; especially now that they know the wait staff at the local pizzeria, who have to keep up with the endless pitchers of beer Odin and Howard order). She becomes close friends with Val, even spending time with Loki’s cousin without the others, much to Loki’s surprise. 

And now it is late May, Graduation Day. Loki and Tony apply and get accepted to the same university, and despite being best friends, this was not planned. Loki plans to major in mathematics (with a concentration in differential equations), and Tony, in line to inherit Stark Industries from his father, is studying engineering. 

“What do you mean you’re changing majors?” Odin roars from the living room.

Loki sighs. They’re in their room, struggling with their tie. There’s a knock at the door, and then Loki’s mother comes into the room. She meets their gaze in the reflection of the mirror and rolls her eyes in the direction of the living room. She comes in and closes the door. 

“Would you like a hand with that?” she asks, and Loki gratefully lets her help them tie the green fabric around their neck. 

“Business doesn’t interest me, Dad. I can’t study something that doesn’t interest me for four years!” Thor says.

“It’ll be longer than four years if you start something new next semester! Do you think we’re made of money?” Odin demands.

“Well... yeah, kinda.” Thor replies.

Loki snorts; Frigga smiles a little. Odin doesn’t respond for a long moment, as if he didn’t anticipate Thor’s response. When he finally speaks again, his voice is quieter and calmer, but Loki can still hear him from their room. Even Odin’s “inside voice” is fairly booming.

“We only have this money from the corporation, Thor. You are set to inherit it, and you must be prepared to take it over.”

“Give it to Loki. You have another kid, you know.” Thor says, loudly enough for Loki to hear on purpose. 

“Fuck that!” Loki shouts. Frigga pretends to look firm.

“ _ Language _ , Loki.”

“Sorry, Mom.” Loki replies, but they’re grinning, because Thor can be heard laughing from the living room. He swoops into the room and grabs his sibling, pulling Loki into a headlock.

“Thor, get off, oaf!” Loki yells.

“Oh, don’t wrinkle their nice dress shirt, honey,” Frigga says, but makes no move to separate the siblings.

“Little Loki is graduating!” Thor cries, pretending to weep while ruffling Loki’s hair. “I’m so proud! Aren’t you so proud, Mother? I didn’t think they had it in them!”

“Fuck off,” Loki says, pushing at Thor’s chest, and trying to stop smiling. 

“All right, all right, children, that’s enough. We’re going to be late!” Frigga says, swatting gently at Thor’s upper arm. Thor lets Loki go, and straightens Loki’s tie for them. 

“Val help you with your make-up?” Thor asks, looking at the light lipstick and eyeliner on his sibling’s face. 

“Of course not. I’m a professional, brother.”

“Are you implying that I am not?” Val asks, entering the room now, too. 

“Well, come on in, Val, make yourself at home,” Thor says sarcastically.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m implying,” Loki says, “Considering I do your make-up at least once a week.”

“I don’t quite like your tone, child.” Val replies, doing an impressively good job of looking down their nose at their cousin.

“I don’t quite like your face, old lady.”

“That’s enough. I believe I already said we’re going to be late,” Frigga interrupts firmly, though she’s still smiling. “Let’s go.”

“We’re not done with this conversation, Thor,” Odin says.

“We’re done for now, Odin,” Frigga says before Thor can reply. “Today is Loki’s day.”

  
  
  


“First day of the rest of our lives,” Tony says, approaching Loki when the ceremony is over. Odinson and Stark aren’t close enough for Tony and Loki to sit near each other. Tony was assigned to a seat three rows behind Loki. During practice, Loki discovered that if they turn their head at just the right angle, and look out of the corner of their eye, they can see Tony without constantly turning around. They thought they were being subtle, but almost from the beginning of the ceremony, they catch Tony sending them funny faces every time they look back at them. Logically, this means they should stop looking back at him.

They don’t stop looking at him. Tony doesn’t stop making faces. 

“Don’t start getting philosophical. You might pull something.” Loki replies.

Tony sticks his tongue out at them.

“Oh,  _ very _ mature, Stark. I thought you said you were an adult.”

“Congratulations, you two!” They turn, and Frigga is walking towards them. Behind her is Thor and Val, trying to pinch each other into submission, and then Howard and Odin, discussing business as usual. 

“Thanks, Mrs.Odinson. Hey, Val!” Tony says, looking behind Frigga. Val pinches Thor’s weak spot with one hand and sticks her middle finger up at Tony with the other. Thor yelps and Tony sticks his tongue out at her; Loki can’t decide which boy puts the victorious smile on her face. 

“Tony.” Val says.

“You look an awful lot like my next girlfriend,” Tony says, winking. Loki rolls their eyes; Val and Tony have been flirting since junior high (when they see each other), and neither have shown any interest in taking it the next step, so Loki doesn’t feel threatened by Val and Tony’s interactions. Not like when Tony flirts with Pepper.

“Really? That’s funny, ‘cuz you look an awful lot like the next person I punch.” Val counters. 

And off they go, running through their same lines like usual until Pepper comes over, and then the three of them talk while the parents talk, leaving Thor and Loki standing side by side and watching the others. 

“You gonna tell him?” Thor mutters. Loki looks up at their older brother.

“What? No!”

“You should tell him.”

“Why is  _ now _ the time I should tell him? He’s flirting with two girls at the same time.” Loki reasons.

“One, Val would  _ actually _ punch him if he asked her out; two, he’s not dating Pepper and keeps making stupid excuses about why he’s not, which seems promising; three, it’s graduation, a time for new beginnings.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“No you won’t.” Thor counters. Loki bristles; nothing pisses them off more than Thor calling them out. Now they  _ have _ to prove him wrong.  _ Fuck _ . 

  
  


The families--and Val and Pepper--go to dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, Tony makes Pepper and Loki go bowling with him. He tries to invite Val (jokingly), but she points her dinner knife at him in answer, and he takes that as a no.

_ “You should tell him _ .”

_ “I’ll think about it.” _

_ “No, you won’t.” _

What’s the worst that could happen?  _ You could lose your best friend _ , Loki’s mind supplies. Okay, what’s the best that could happen?  _ I could finally stop pining after this gorgeous, clueless fuck. _

Tony drops Pepper off at her house after bowling. Loki moves up to the front seat after she leaves. Tony watches her closed door for a long moment. Loki takes a deep breath. They’ll prove Thor wrong.

“Tony?”

“Do you think I should ask her out?”

_ Why does this always happen? _ “What?”

“Pepper.” Tony tears his eyes away from Pepper’s door to make eye contact with Loki. For a minute, he stares at Loki without saying anything, as if Loki’s face has made him lose his train of thought.  _ What a stupid idea, _ Loki dismisses it. Tony regains his senses fairly quickly. “Do you think I should ask Pepper out?”

“Do you want to ask Pepper out?” Loki asks, trying to quiet their screaming mind.  _ No, you moron! I don’t think you should ask Pepper out, because I want you to ask  _ me _ out! _

Tony shrugs. Loki tries again. “Tony.”

“What?”

Loki watches him for a long moment; Tony watches them back. At last, Loki smiles; the expression hurts. “You should do what makes you happy.”

Tony doesn’t answer for a few seconds before he returns Loki’s smile. “Don’t get philosophical on me, punk.”

Loki sticks their tongue out. 

_ I should just let him go. _


	3. 3. Freshman year of college

**3\. Freshman year of college**

 

Loki doesn’t let him go, of course. They room together freshman year of college, and Loki feels like they’re slowly losing it. Things Loki didn’t have to deal with in high school now become commonplace: Tony showering and entering the room in only a towel; Tony sleeping without a shirt; Tony bent over a physics textbook at one in the morning, his perfect brow furrowed adorably in concentration, his hands shaking from the six cups of coffee he consumed, Loki unable to stop staring at the perfect tableau; Tony talking (usually incoherently) in his sleep. 

They survive, though, even when Pepper transfers to their university halfway through the year and starts spending almost every evening in the room with them. Tony pulls his stupid pick-up lines and flirting that he thinks is clever but isn’t really, and Pepper doesn’t hit him like when they were young teens. In fact, she flirts back. Loki spends most nights in the library that semester. It’s a little too much for them.

“Loki, you better make a move before Pepper does.” Thor says that summer. It’s August, and he’s flipping through a course catalog for his college. The fact that it’s Odin’s alma mater is the only similarity between father and son anymore. Thor announced in May that he had chosen to change his major yet again, this time to sports management. Odin, though an avid ESPN viewer (and former college football star, as he will not let his children forget), was apoplectic when Thor told him. 

_ “You said you were going to study medicine! You said you were going to stick to this major! We let you go to Norway for a semester because you promised to take the required courses for it!” _

Loki will never admit it, but they hope Thor never lands on a course of study; the household has never been more entertaining. 

“Tony is full of excuses for not asking Pepper out. It’s fine.” Loki says, not looking up from their book.

“Pepper might make a move before long, is what I’m saying, sib.” Thor says.

“Then maybe it’s to be,” Loki says, shrugging nonchalantly. The course catalog that hits the back of their book a second later tells them they aren’t fooling anybody. They close their book and look up at their brother. Loki’s momentarily startled by the pitying look on Thor’s face. “I can’t, Thor. I’d rather stand by while the love of my life dates someone else than no longer be friends with him because I told him.”

“As I’ve been telling you for a year, he’s not like that, and you know it. He loves you--” Loki snorts-- “No, sib, listen. He might not be  _ in love _ with you, but you’re his best friend. He won’t drop you for knowing you love him.”

“So you keep insisting.” Loki replies, and Thor just sighs.

Loki’s phone buzzes on the desk. When it doesn’t stop after one vibrate, Thor reaches over and picks it up. “Speak of the handsome devil,” he says cheekily.

“If you answer that, I will stab you again.” Loki says in their most intimidating tone. Thor laughs, doesn’t look the least bit intimidated, but tosses the phone to Loki. It bounces on the mattress, and Loki grabs it. They throw the catalog back to Thor and answer the phone.

“Hey, Stark-raving-mad,” Loki says into the phone. Thor and Tony both groan at the terrible joke.

“I told you to stop doing that, because you can’t make Odinson into anything clever and insulting,” Tony says.

“Calling me Odinson is insulting in itself,” Loki says. Thor rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Listen. You’ll never guess what I just did!”

“You’re right; I never will. You could have done literally anything, though since you’re speaking to me, I’m assuming it wasn’t something fatal or maiming.”

_ Ask. Him. Out. _ Thor mouths from across the room; Loki flips him off.

“Can I just tell you, asshole?” Tony says, but Loki can hear his smile; it makes Loki smile themself, which makes Thor smirk.

“Yeah, go ahead. What happened?”

“I asked Pepper out! Finally!”

Loki freezes, mouth gaping open. Slowly, they lift their gaze to Thor, who frowns, immediately sensing something is wrong. He’s always been able to tell when something is wrong.

Loki struggles to find his voice. “You--you did?”

“Yes! And guess what she said!”

Loki continues to look at Thor. They can feel their face slowly crumpling. They try to keep their voice enthusiastic. 

“What?” they ask.  _ Oh, no _ , Thor mouths.

“She said yes!” Loki tries to smile at the obvious joy in Tony’s voice.

“That’s--that’s great, Tony. Congratulations!”

“Thank you, amigo. Want to go bowling tonight?” 

“Oh, that sounds really fun, Tony, but Thor’s going back to school tomorrow, and Mom insisted on a family dinner tonight. Maybe next time, okay?” Loki lies. Thor  _ is _ going back to school, and Mom  _ is _ making dinner, but Loki knows bowling with Tony wouldn’t be a problem for Frigga.

“All right. Have fun! Wish Thor luck on his business-medicine-sports major, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Loki tries to put a smile in their voice again, and thinks they just barely manage it. “Thanks, I will. And Tony?” Loki’s eyes are getting teary; they force a smile to steady their voice.  _ Don’t cry, dammit. _

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you. And Pepper.”

“Thanks, bud.”

“Oh, Loki,” Thor says softly when Loki hangs up. They drop the phone on the bed and bury their face in their hands. 

“He asked her out.” Loki said, no longer able to fake a smile or hide the tears. Their voice is flat, until it breaks when they speak again. “And she said yes, obviously.”

“Loki.” Thor gets up.

“Don’t.” Thor walks towards them. “Don’t,” Loki says again. Thor touches their shoulder; they pull away, fixing him with a glare. “ _ Don’t _ ,” they say a third time. “I’m fine. I’m fine,” they whisper. Thor ignores the orders, ignores the lies. He sits on Loki’s bed and pulls Loki into a hug. 

“I’m sorry, sib.” Thor says gently, and Loki stops pulling away and lets Thor hold them. 

  
  



	4. 4. December, sophomore year of college

**4\. December, sophomore year of college**

 

“Tell him.”

“No, Thor.”

“Loki,  _ tell him. _ ”

“No, Val.”

“Loki.” Now Verity’s joined in. Loki met her in English I last year, and they’ve been friends ever since. Verity is studying to be a lawyer, and Loki loves her half to death. She and Thor are the only two people Loki’s unable to lie to. With Thor, they can get away with lying temporarily, but they get found out eventually; Verity can smell a lie before it’s even out of Loki’s mouth. She figured out Loki loved Tony ten minutes into the second time the three of them hung out together.

“Verity, it’s not too late to take you back to the airport. I’m sure with Dad’s influence, we could get you on the next flight home.” Loki says.

“Diversion will get you nowhere.” Verity says, frowning and folding her arms. “ _ Tell him already,  _ you lovesick puppy.”

“You know he’s dating Pepper. You know better than Thor or Val; you’ve seen them together.” Loki argues.

“Is she coming to Christmas dinner?”

“No, she’s in Florida.”

“So…”

“I’m not going to make him cheat on her!”

“We’re not saying that, Loki,” Thor says. “You just need to tell him eventually, so you can stop pining.”

“It’s driving us crazy,” Val says.

“And it’s kind of sad.” Verity adds.

“I’ll think about it. And  _ don’t _ say I won’t, Thor. I’m not falling for that again.” Loki says quickly.

“Falling for what?” Thor asks, feigning innocence.

“Kids!” Frigga calls from upstairs. “The Starks are here!”

“Speak to him, any of you, and I will stab you all.” Loki whispers.

“Lie,” Verity comments idly.

  
  


“Hey, Thor, Mr. Jack-of-all-Trades!” Tony says when they come up.

“Weak,” Loki comments with a smile.

“Shut up, you’re not as clever as you think you are, either,” Tony says, pulling Loki into a tight hug, as if he hadn’t just dropped Loki off from school two days ago. He addresses Thor again. “So, what major is it this year?” he asks gleefully.

Loki can hear Odin grinding his teeth as he shakes Howard’s hand. Thor laughs. “Journalism,” he says. “I think this is the one.”

“Famous last words,” Odin comments, before Frigga smacks him and hisses, “It’s Christmas, Odin!”

“No, I’m with Thor on this one,” Loki says. “He’s met a  _ girl _ this time.”

“Ooooooh!” Val, Verity, and Tony all crow; Loki laughs as Thor rolls his eyes at his sibling. 

“How’s  _ your _ relationship, son?” Odin asks Tony. 

Tony gives him his best fake smile.  _ What’s with that _ ? “It’s great, Mr.Borson. My girlfriend is celebrating Christmas in Florida this year.” Loki looks at Tony in surprise; why is he smiling like that? Tony refuses to look at them. Loki turns to Verity, eyebrows raised.

_ Lie _ , she mouths. 

Odd.

  
  


Loki corners Tony before dinner. It’s the first time they’ve been alone since the Starks got here, and it’s entirely because Loki starts playing dirty. If Loki didn’t know any better, they’d say Tony is avoiding them. So when Tony goes to the bathroom, Loki follows and waits outside the bathroom door until he comes out.

“Are you avoiding me?” Loki blurts, which isn’t at all what they’d intended to say.  _ Are you okay? What’s up with Pepper? Want me to stab her? Want to kiss?  _ Maybe not that last option.

“What?” Tony says, and laughs nervously. “Of course not.” 

Loki doesn’t need Verity to tell them when their best friend is lying to them. Tony tries to walk around Loki; Loki corners them. “You  _ are _ . Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, God no, of course not, Loki.” Tony sighs. “I’m sorry. You’ve not done anything, I promise. I just….things have been kind of weird with Pepper lately.”

“Weird how?” Loki asks. Tony shrugs.

“I don’t know. We had a fight, I guess. Too much togetherness, I think. The honeymoon period is definitely over.”

“You’ve been dating for, what, a year? I think the honeymoon period ended a long time ago.”

“Yeah, probably. It’s been almost fifteen months.” Tony corrects. Loki knows; Loki knows the exact number of days since Tony called them to announce his relationship. Loki doesn’t want to hope that maybe Pepper and Tony will break up. They know Tony, know he will be broken up about it, and they can’t wish that for their closest friend. They can’t wish misery on the love of their life.

“Look, Tony. Maybe the time apart will be good for you two. Did you know that my parents separated for six months between Thor’s birth and my adoption?”

“No, I didn’t.” Tony looks surprised. “They seem so close.”

Loki nods. “I think the separation helped.” They don’t add that Odin and Frigga had about four months’ worth of weekly marriage counseling during that time; their parents had been married for three years at that point. Tony and Pepper don’t need a relationship counselor for their first fight in fifteen months of dating. And anyway, Tony brightens as they walk into the living room, where Frigga sits on the couch so close to Odin, and Odin has his arm around her, and Tony’s hopeful smile is enough. 

They can’t tell him tonight. It would just add more stress.


	5. 5. November, junior year

**5\. November, junior year**

 

There’s a knock on Loki’s door. It’s November of their junior year of college. Tony has been moody for weeks, after Pepper broke up with him the second week of school. They’d been having issues on and off all summer, and this time was apparently the last straw. According to Tony, they fought, and she’d said some cruel things to him (not necessarily untrue things, though, from what Loki was able to uncover), but it seemed Tony had said some cruel things to her, as well. Loki had been very worried that it was because she found out Tony was bisexual, but Pepper is the secretary for the university’s Alliance union, and when Loki worked up the courage to ask, they found out Pepper had known since high school. 

_ “I promise, Loki, we didn’t break up because he’s bi,” she said, even though Loki had been careful to avoid making the accusation to her face. “We had some differences of opinion.” And that was all she would say on the topic. _

“Come in,” Loki says now. Verity opens the door. She looks uncomfortable, and her nose is wrinkling. 

“You can hear that chaos, right?” She asks, pointing at the ceiling. There’s a thud and a cheer as music continues to blast. 

“I’m not going to a party.”

“I think you might.” Verity argues.

“Okay, convince me,” Loki challenges, sitting up and putting down their book. They haven’t been to a party their entire college career, and they aren’t about to start now. Verity knows this, so Loki is very curious to hear why she thinks they should go.

“Tony Stark  _ might _ be very, very drunk upstairs, and he  _ might  _ be at that point of being very, very drunk where he’s either going to pass out, burst into tears, or projectile vomit. Or all three.” Verity explains. “I think he needs a friend to help him get to his bed safely, don’t you think?”

“Oh, shit.” Loki says, getting off their bed and following Verity out of the room. “That fucking idiot; he’s never done this before.”

Verity is quiet for a moment, clearly hesitating. “I think he has some very stupid reasons that he’s explaining very loudly to anyone who will listen, including me about ten minutes ago.”

“Pepper?” Loki guesses.

“How did you know?” Verity replies sarcastically. “He’s adamant that he’s over her, but his alcohol consumption suggests otherwise.”

The entire third floor of the residence hall is thumping with dance music and crawling with drunk and drinking people. “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this,” Loki mutters, taking a breath and entering the fray, pushing past people and searching for that  _ complete idiot _ Tony Stark.

They spot him at last, staggering into a common room and climbing on top of a chair. People cheer when they see him, and he takes a bow, which almost sends him tumbling off the chair. Loki sighs. “Oh, you poor, heartbroken dumbass,” they mumble, entering the common room. Tony takes a deep swig from a bottle, swaying a little on the cushion. Then he sees Loki and Verity and grins.

“Hi, Loki!” He yells, and then he does topple off the chair. Loki dives without thinking (the moron is only about two feet off the ground after all), and catches him under the arms. Tony tries to regain his footing, leaning heavily against Loki. The bottle drops from his sagging arm and rolls across the floor.

“All right, I think you’ve had quite enough,” Loki says as Tony finally stands up straight, only to slump back against Loki a moment later and belching. 

“But Loki, the party’s just started!” Tony says too loudly. “Come on, let’s dance!”

“Tony, no, come on,” Loki tries, but Tony is already turning away, pushing off of them to stumble towards the hallway. Loki huffs with irritation; why did they have to fall in love with such as stubborn ass? They follow Tony into the hallway again. “Tony.”

“I just want to have some fun!” Tony slurs, spinning widely to look at them. “I’ve been sad for...for two months, and I just want to have a good time!” He snakes his arm around Loki’s shoulders and pulls them close. “Let’s go dance or drink or somethin’.” He says.

“ _ Tony _ ,” Loki says firmly. “You can’t dance; you can barely stand up. You’ve drunk most of the alcohol here, from the look of it. It’s time to go to bed now. Come on, man.”

Tony stares at them owlishly for a moment, and Loki thinks he’ll pull away and refuse again. But then he sighs and leans against them. “Bed sounds good.” He says finally.

“Good.” Loki says. They smile. Tony looks at them for a long moment, like he wants to say something else, but then he smiles back. 

“I’ll meet you back at your room,” Verity tells Loki, disappearing into the crowd of partiers. Loki half-drags Tony to the elevator and presses the button for his floor. The doors close on the wild party, and then it is quiet. 

“You know,” Tony murmurs, and Loki thinks he’s talking to himself until he turns his head to look at them again. “You have a very pretty smile. I’ve always thought so.”

Tony drops his head so his chin is resting against his chest and groans a little. “Dizzy,” he adds, but Loki barely hears him. Their insides have been reduced to hot liquid, and they feel a light blush crawling up their cheeks as they replay Tony’s unfiltered words.  _ You have a very pretty smile. I’ve always thought so. _

But then Tony’s head is lolling against Loki’s shoulder and the elevator dings and opens its doors. “Tony, I need you to stay awake for a little bit, okay? I need to make sure you’re all right.” Tony gives an exaggerated nod and tries to help by walking out of the elevator with Loki’s support. 

“Your hair smells good,” Tony says as they walk down the hallway. “Like roses.”

“It’s peony shampoo, you uncultured swine,” Loki snaps without thinking. Tony giggles and sends Loki’s already nervous heart skittering with helpless love for this drunk idiot.

Loki fishes Tony’s keys out of his pocket and unlocks his door. They help him to the bed and make sure he stays sitting up until he’s drunk half a water bottle, sitting next to him to keep him upright. Tony’s free arm is looped around Loki’s as he drinks the water with the other hand. When Loki is satisfied that Tony is at least a little hydrated, they replace the cap on the water and take off Tony’s shoes and hoodie for him. Tony watches them through half-lidded eyes, an odd little smile on his face.

"What?" Loki asks self-consciously. Tony smiles a little wider.

"You're amazing." Tony says.

"Shut up," Loki snaps to cover up that warm-liquid feeling again. "You're drunk, Stark."

"I know. And you're beautiful." Tony reaches out and tries to pull Loki to him. 

_ Shit, shit, shit _ . Tony's lips are an inch away from Loki’s before Loki finally summons up the strength to put a hand on Tony’s chest and stop him. “Tony.”

“What?”

“You’re drunk. I can’t.”

“Loki, please.” Tony whispers, still straining to kiss them, but Loki won’t let him. This isn’t right. Not like this.

Loki sighs. “Go to bed, Tony. Not tonight. If you want to talk about it in the morning, then we’ll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep.”

Tony looks at Loki for a long, long time, and Loki feels themself spiralling. Finally, Tony just nods, and lies down. He touches Loki’s hand, keeps his fingers there, trailing lines of longing on the back of Loki’s hand, and looks at Loki. “All right. Good-night, Loki.”

“Good-night, Tony.” Tony closes his eyes. Loki does too for a moment, standing over their best friend. 

Loki waits until Tony drifts into a calm sleep, and then they leave. Verity is sitting on their bed when they get back.

“Is he okay?” she asks.

“He tried to kiss me, Verity,” Loki whispers. They sit beside her on the bed, drawing their knees up to their chest, and tell her everything. 

They can’t figure Tony out at all.

The next day, Tony declares he has no memory of the night before.  _ Typical _ , Loki thinks.

  
  



	6. 1. February, senior year

**1\. February, senior year**

Loki sits on Tony’s desk chair, hating themself. They’re facing Tony, who sits on his bed.

It’s senior year of college, February. Tony and Pepper have been broken up for over a year now, and after the incident at the party, Tony seemed to be getting better. But sometimes he still seems to get into these ruts, when he can’t stop thinking or talking about Pepper. He doesn’t get drunk over it anymore, but Loki still has to listen to their friend who cannot seem to give up Pepper.

There’s a pattern to it though, and Loki figured it out at last in July last year. Generally it starts with a phone call or visit or conversation with Howard fucking Stark. The party incident, as it turns out, occured three days after Tony tried to tell his father he was bisexual. The elder Stark did not take it well. 

Today, Howard’s phone call consists of harassing Tony about his grades (slipping, but only a little), asking about Tony’s love life, and berating him for still being in love with the same girl without trying to win her back.

So now Loki has to listen while Tony continues his father’s abuse of himself, beating himself up about letting Pepper go but having no courage to go after her. Loki doesn’t say anything, they just listen. Until Tony says something that Loki can’t sit still for.

“Because I just  _ had _ to fall for my oldest friend.” Tony says, looking away.

_ Oldest friend? That’s entirely untrue.  _ Loki can’t take it anymore. Without thinking, they stand up and walk the few steps to Tony’s bed and lean toward him. They cup Tony’s face with their hand and close the remaining distance. Tony’s eyes fly up to meet Loki’s, wide with surprise. Against his lips, Loki whispers, “She is not your oldest friend.” And then Loki kisses him. It’s gentle and brief, and for a moment Loki loses themself to the feeling, and the thoughts of  _ finally, finally _ .

Then they pull away and open their eyes. Tony takes a moment to open his own eyes, and when he does, Loki finally realizes the stupidity of their actions. They and Tony are  _ not _ together, Tony--bisexual or not-- does  _ not  _ love them, and Tony’s still mourning the loss of a two-year relationship.  _ Stupid, stupid, I’m so fucking stupid,  _ Loki thinks, pulling back. They barely register Tony reaching after them; no, no, he’s just wanting to feel something,  _ he doesn’t love you _ . 

“I’m--I’m sorry,” Loki says, leaping away from Tony’s bed. 

“Loki--” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Loki says again, running out the door of Tony’s room and closing it with a slam. They race down the hallway, down two flights of stairs, and into their own dorm, closing and locking the door behind them.

They’re scrambling for their phone, barely noticing what they’re doing until it’s pressed to their ear and the person on the other line speaks.

“Thor here.”

“H-heeeyy, Thor. You at work? Got any great, um, journalist stories? Breaking news and all tha--”

“Loki,” Thor thankfully stops them; their hand is pressed to their forehead and they’re shaking their head.  _ Stupid, stupid, I’m so stupid _ . “What happened?”

“I  _ may _ have kissed Tony Stark.”

“ _ What?  _ Where?”

“His room.”

“ _ Finally.  _ Where are you now?”

“My room.” Thor’s quiet for a moment.

“What did he say?” Thor asks finally, though it sounds like he already knows the answer.

“I didn’t stay to find out. I ran away.”

Thor sighs and mutters something that sounds like a Norwegian curse word; it’s a habit he picked up during his study abroad stint in Scandinavia (which he generally uses as a reaction to something stupid or irritating Loki has done). “ _ Loki _ . Well, at least you didn’t stab him with a pencil--”

“That was  _ one time _ !”

“Yeah, and I still have the scar on my arm to prove it!”

There’s a knock on the door; Loki ignores it. Then some weird scraping and clicking, which Loki also ignores.

“Loki.”

“What, Thor?”

“Hang up the goddamn phone and go talk to your man.”

“He’s  _ not  _ my--”

“Good-bye, sib.”  _ Click _ , says the phone.  _ Click _ , says the door, and then it’s open and Tony is standing there with an unbent paper clip in his hand.

“You picked my lock.” Loki says, incredulously.  _ What the hell have I gotten myself into? _

Tony smiles and walks towards Loki. “Yep,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” Loki says again. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid, I’m stupid. You’re not int--”

“Loki.” Tony says, now directly in front of them. “Stop talking.”

And then Tony curls his left hand around Loki’s hand, snakes his right around Loki’s waist, and presses his lips hard and desperate against Loki’s. Loki’s eyes widen in surprise for a moment before fluttering closed, their hands flying up and burying in Tony’s hair. Tony groans against their lips, pressing closer. His fingers tread through their hair, gripping it in his desperation to get closer. Loki can’t agree more, pressing back against Tony and kissing him more deeply. It’s a long time before they pull away, gasping for air. Loki can’t stop staring at Tony, can’t bring themself to believe what’s just happened, that  _ Tony kissed me _ .

“How long?” Tony asks at last, his voice breathless. His hands are still on Loki, and Loki’s still comb through his hair. “How long have you wanted to kiss me?”

Loki looks away. “It doesn’t matter,” they say quietly.

Tony takes his hand from Loki’s head and takes hold of Loki’s chin. He turns Loki’s face to meet his eyes again; there is the softest, gentlest expression on his face, one Loki has never seen before. He kisses Loki’s forehead.

“How long?” Tony asks again.

“Long enough,” Loki admits. “Almost since we were kids.”

Tony’s face falls a little at that. “I was afraid you’d say that. I’ve been a monumental ass, Loki. How could I have missed that my  _ oldest,  _ best friend had a crush on me?”

“It hasn’t been a  _ crush _ since we were preteens, Tony,” Loki says, bristling at the childish word, a far too trivial one to describe the many strong, conflicting feelings that Tony summons up in Loki. “I’m not twelve.”

“Okay, my best friend has a strong attraction to—“

_ “Love,”  _ Loki corrects, again without thinking. “I  _ love  _ you, for Christ’s sake, you stubborn, thick-headed oaf!” 

Tony has the opportunity to look surprised for all of two seconds before Loki realizes what they’ve said, and to whom. Loki tries to move back, eyes wide again, but Tony still has his arm around their waist, and pulls them back.

“Oh no, you don’t. No running this time.”

“Fuck. Shit.” Loki stops trying to flee, but they shake their head and rest their forehead on Tony’s shoulder. “I can’t think around you.”

Tony laughs. “That must piss you off.” He leans down and kisses the top of Loki’s head. Their sleek, black hair smells like peony shampoo (which Tony can only recognize because he remembers Loki snapping at him when he thought it was rose-scented). 

“I love you, too, you know.” Tony murmurs into Loki’s hair—and almost breaks his nose when Loki suddenly pulls their head up.

“You don’t.”

“I do.”

“You  _ don’t.” _ Loki argues fiercely. “If you did, you would have--” They stop short.

“Chosen you?” Tony guesses. Loki looks away; and Tony knows he’s right.

“It doesn’t matter.” Loki says, again.

“I think it matters a lot to you. I’m sorry, I was an idiot. I was scared of my sexuality in high school, scared of what my dad would say. I buried it; I ignored it and went with the first girl I had a crush on. I did care about Pepper, of course I did; she wasn’t just a beard and would never have tolerated being one. But she dumped me last year because she knew. I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, but I think she thought I’d never be honest with myself if I was attached to her. You know how my dad is, Loki. Says one thing in public and another at home; I was a coward.”

“I’m to believe you went just for girls, despite being privately bisexual, because of your dad?” Loki asks skeptically; Tony shrugs. Loki is quiet for a minute before they speak again. It’s starting to make a lot more sense why Howard Stark seems to cause Tony to get all weepy over Pepper. Maybe he’s not getting weepy over Pepper at all, but wishing he could be who his dad wants him to be. Loki can understand that. “Actually, you know what, I believe you. Your dad’s kind of a dick.”

Tony snorts. “Kind of?”

Loki smiles. “Okay, he’s a massive dick. Wait a moment,” Loki remembers suddenly. “Pepper said you broke up because you had some differences of opinion.”

Tony laughs. “I guess that was her way of saying that she thought I was in love with my best friend and that  _ I _ was trying very hard to convince myself I wasn’t.”

“And I’m to believe my kissing you was all it took to convince you?” Loki asks.

“Well, I’m kind of an idiot.” Tony says.

“Oh I’m not arguing that,” Loki replies with a laugh.

“Yes, great, ha ha. Can we stop talking about how stupid I am for once in this relationship?” Tony asks.  _ Relationship _ . Loki’s stomach swoops. It takes a moment to unstick their tongue and reply.

“What would you prefer to talk about?”

“I think I’d prefer to kiss you.” Tony says with a smile.

_ Oh god, I love you _ , Loki thinks instinctively.

“I can get behind that.” they say instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my name is Bas, and I really like genderfluid!Loki.
> 
> In other news, I had a dream about part of the last scene, and this fic happened. Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> (Also, yes, I know Tony calls Loki 'amigo' a couple times which is the masculine form. Tony has maybe a Spanish Level 1 vocabulary, so he doesn't know amigx is a word that means the same thing but is gender-neutral.)


End file.
